Friday, April 30, 2010

Happy Birthday Little Man

   Happy 6th Birthday to my Little Man. In some ways it just seems like yesterday when we were shocked to find out we'd be having another baby. I've hear people refer to a child born after a miscarriage as a "rainbow baby" because they're something beautiful at the end of a tragic storm. That's Little Man, he's my rainbow.

   After I had lost a baby at 10 weeks, I figured we were done having children. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child after hearing the heartbeat, feeling the child move, my heart goes out to my dear friends who have suffered such a loss, to me the pain is unimaginable.

   When I found out I was pregnant with Little Man,  it was a complete shock. I was sick, taking pepto bismal like it was going out of style. I had taken 2 home pregnancy tests and they came back with a negative. I went to the doctors hoping to find out why I was so sick. I was quite surprised to have to give blood for a pregnancy test. I was even more surprised when I snuck upstairs to the 3rd floor conference room to use the phone to call back the doctors office for my test results. So sitting there, in the room filled with potraits of stuffy old bankers, I found out about my rainbow.

    I was so nervous the whole pregnancy, I worried if this pain or that pain was somehow not right, if somehow I would loose this baby too.

   On April 30 Hubby drove me to the hospital at 5:30 AM so I could have my c-section and meet our new son. Other then a drop in blood pressure on my part and the nurses telling me I needed to take deep breathes, it was pretty uneventful. After having the twins at 4lbs each, Little Man seemed huge at over 8lbs.

    So here it is six years later and I'm still amazed at my Little Man and all his wonders. He's such a sweet little love bug. He's kind to his friends and really anyone he meets. With a smile that will melt your heart, you can't help but fall in love with him. I know all too soon Little Man will be all grown up and gone and so I try to treasure the little moments of his life. I try to take a mental picture to last when he's swinging so high, he's almost a little scared, but loves the feeling and a smile just covers his face. The look of pride as he learns something new every day at school. The sweet little way he'll play with his little sister. It would never occur to him to not be her prince and dance with her when she's a princess. 

  And so today, when we're singing happy birthday, I'll try not to cry on the cake. I'll try to keep those tears in till I lay my head down on my pillow and thank God for my beautiful rainbow.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

It's tough no matter what your age.

 I always smile when I see someone who has twins and tell them what a blessing they have (nothing makes me madder then people who say oh twins double trouble). Some parents of twins have asked me if it gets easier when the kids get older. You can see they're desperate to hear it will get easier, so, I tell a white lie and say, Oh sure the older they get the easier it is. I know it's not nice to lie, but it's not an outright lie. Things will change, but I don't think it ever gets easier, it's just trading on set of problems for another.

 When the twins were young and we were sleep deprived, we'd long for the time when they'd sleep through the night, when the boys would be old enough to do things on their own, silly us!!

    So now the twins are much older, really almost ready to do everything on their own. In less then a year they'll be 18, legal adults and yet, I don't think it's easier. In fact I think these years are even harder then the sleepless nights filled with diapers, bottles and crying babies. I still have sleepless nights, but now it's because I'm laying there thinking about all the new problems. Will they be able to stay on the straight and narrow? Will they be able to pay their bills (car insurance is ridiculous for teenage boys)

    And then there's the hardest part of all, matters of the heart. You think it was heartbreaking when you were a teenager to have someone break your heart, have a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend??? Well just watch your teen go through it and you'll find a whole new level of pain. It's like a baby with colic, there's not a thing you can do to make it better, it's just got to run it's course.

  Now lest I scare all the young mothers out there, I will say there are a lot of pluses as well. The joy of watching my teens pass their drivers test was incredible, yeah I cried, but it was tears of joy and pride. Being able to sit at the table and really talk to your kids, laugh at their jokes, be in awe of their knowledge of the world around them, that's pretty cool too.

  So truth be told, it's doesn't get better, it's just gets different. But then I don't remember anyone ever telling me parenting was easy (at least not if you're doing it right). I can't imagine my life any other way though. I can't imagine how quiet and boring dinner would be. So to be cliche' it's the toughest job I've ever had and I love it more then I can ever imagine.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I'm excited for the warm weather

  Anyone who live North of the Mason Dixie Line knows that winter is fine, but come April, we've had enough and we want Spring. So the last few weeks have been springlike, hot one day, chilly the next, the ever present danger of the last frost worries those who plant. Also the warmer days mean it's time to get the camper out and get it ready to head down the road. I am super excited about that!! I can't wait for our first trip out on Mother's Day weekend to Gettysburg (Ryan's Steakhouse here we come)

    So with the warmer weather we were able to start the garden. I got PopPop's old tiller out (yes the one my grandfather used), gave it a little tickle and I was breaking ground. I planted radishes, onions, a whole role of peas, turnips and carrots. Then the weather was pretty warm the other day, so I tilled some more rows and put in beets,  leaf lettuce, more carrots and remembering that once the kids had "helped" eating all the way  pick the row I didn't have enough for a meal, I put in another 40 foot of peas. Hopefully this year I'll actually get to have some with a dinner or two.

    Little Man picked out flower seeds to plant. His reasoning for planting flowers is because while we eat the vegetables from the garden, the bees really like the flowers for nectar for their honey (where does he come up with this stuff???)   So when we get back from our Mother's Day trip, we'll fire up the rototiller again and plant his flowers for the bees, along with green beans.

   I have to say, I was really anxious to get back to the garden this year. I love to walk barefoot and feel the dirt under my toes. How can you plant if you can't feel the dirt?. I also seem to feel a sense of calm when I'm working in the garden. Maybe it's because I know I'm using PopPop's tiller, it makes me feel connected to something bigger then myself. I can't help but wonder if he's looking down, smiling that his granddaughter and her family love to work with the land like he did. I wonder if he's smiling that the old Case rototiller is still chugging right away. I feel very lucky to have known my grandfather. He was a good man and well liked by everyone he met. My dad reminds me so much of him and I realize how lucky my kids are to have the same type of grandfather, one who's quick with a smile, happy to share a story and proud to be a PopPop.